Cornell University : Cornell Cooperative Extension

Preventing Parent Burnout

Being a parent is tough. All the books tell you that. Other parents tell you that. It's the hardest and most important job there is. Remember that job description - "HELP WANTED: Male/female to work triple shifts. No weekend or holidays off. Long-term commitment (18 years minimum.) Must have unlimited physical stamina. Low pay to start. High potential for satisfaction."

Knowing all that, the demands of parenthood still come as somewhat of a surprise to many of us. We secretly think that we will be smart enough, organized enough, or just plain lucky enough that we will succeed in being terrific parents and still keep our heads above water in other areas such as being a spouse, homemaker, worker, friend, well-read person and decent conversationalist. When those things come harder that we expected, we wonder what we are doing wrong.

How can parents keep from "burning out?" The following are ideas for preventing burnout.

• recognize that raising a child is a difficult, time consuming task, and believe it.
  
• refuse to get caught up in trying to emulate the various media versions of "super-parent"
  
• try to separate time spent with children from time for housework and other pursuits. Cooking with a preschooler or enlisting a toddler's help with housework can be good experiences. But children are often also able to happily amuse themselves for a while following some real playtime with a parent.
  
• take care of yourself. As impossible as it seems to fit anything more into a busy day, parents need adequate sleep, a good diet to keep healthy and fight fatigue, and exercise.
  
• set priorities. Time for children, time for spouse (or other adults), time for yourself - homemakers especially are prone to not taking their own needs seriously. Constant sacrifice can lead to resentment.
  
• choose input on parenting that makes you feel good about yourself and your children. If certain books or people make you feel inadequate or defensive, avoid them and look for resources that do help.
  
• take a break. A luxurious morning or afternoon without the kids may be just what you need. For example, some libraries or community centers offer periodic programs for young children. Even a get together with another parent with children can help provide a change of routine and some adult interaction.

Think positive, Your child will eventually sleep through the night, learn to share, be toilet trained, and allow you private time - not necessarily when the books say he will, or when your neighbor's child did, but these things will come.

Finally, recognize that you are not alone. All parents, whether they admit it or not, feel overwhelmed at times.

If your feelings of burnout have reached the stage where you think that your children are in danger of physical abuse or neglect, or your physical or mental health is in jeopardy, help is needed. Your physician or your children's doctor, or a mental health organization may be helpful.

Cornell Cooperative Extension Yates Association
Last updated: 8/28/01

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